Breaking the abusers power: sharing your story

The abusers weapon is silence

DSC_0027-2Silence is the abusers powerful weapon. When silence is broken by one person, chances are he/she won’t be believed. But you’re not alone! There are many, way too many, people who’ve had similar experiences. Sharing your story is an even more powerful weapon than silence is.

My decision to break my silence

I’ve decided I won’t shut up any longer! Sharing my story has helped me in many ways.
Since I’ve published my blogs and books, my life has changed. I’ve found my way back to -part of- my family. My friends love and support me. Especially when I’m going through a rough patch.

Forgiving the abuser

I’ve also decided to forgive the man who used and abused me. And no, that wasn’t easy!
I hate what he did to me, not who he is. I couldn’t feel any positive energy from holding on, so I let him go. He’s no longer important to me. It feels great to be able to say that.

I strive to prevent and heal

Prevention by sharing your story is important. That way more people will realize why sexual abuse is such a horrible crime. Sharing your story can also be very healing. It helps you to let go of your past. Through my coaching sessions and my book I’ll show you how. Healing is possible. You don’t have a life sentence!

For more information about the long term effects of child sexual abuse and how to heal from them, buy the book ‘I Thrive. Healing child sexual abuse’ at

Self-injury as a result of sexual abuse

Sexual abuse and self-injury

2012-02-04 10.07.30You feel a total lack of power when you’re sexually abused as a child. You have no control over the power an adult, or sometimes an older child, has over you. The perpetrator demands silence and your complete surrender. He/she may use either violence, threats or subtle manipulation to lure you in.

A cry for freedom

Self-injury can be a (desparate) cry for freedom. It’s something only you can control. Sometimes it’s a cry for help: when you cut yourself in obvious places, hoping someone will notice and get help. Sometimes it’s your own, very private, secret. It makes you feel secure being the only one who knows.

Self-injury always has a purpose!

Therapists and social workers often think that to stop self-injury is the first step to take towards healing. I think that self-injury has a purpose, a goal. It is meant to solve a problem. So when you find out what it stands for, you can begin to tackle the problem in a different way.

Less harmful alternatives

Self- injury is harmful, so it might be good to look for other ways to relieve the tension. Ways that won’t be as bad for your health. So ask yourself this question:

What is your purpose in hurting yourself?

  • Punishment? That means pain. There are ways without doing harm to your body: Stick your hands in a bowl filled with icecubes for instance.
  • Feeling alive? Try sports! Like running or riding a bike, anything in moderation.
  • Do you feel like running away from your thoughts, memories or panic-attacks? Try breathing excercises or mindfulness training
  • Are you dissociated? Like you’re out of your body? Focus on every muscle in your body while sitting down.
  • Are you reliving a moment where you don’t want to be? Focus on your surroundings. What color is the chair you’re sitting on, what is the pattern on your shirt?

While experimenting with different solutions to the problem, you will find something that will work for you. A way to break through the cycle of your behavior. A way that will give you peace and clarity to work on the real problem.

When you solve the problem, the self-injury will disappear

You need to find a different way to solve your problems. Because self-injury has a purpose. It’s up to you to find out what. And when you have, the need to harm yourself will eventually disappear.


For more information about the long term effects of child sexual abuse and how to heal from them, buy the book ‘I Thrive. Healing child sexual abuse’ at