Breaking up with your sexual abuser

It’s over!!!!

Expressing anger and establishing boundaries is an important element of healing child sexual abuseWe all know that first break-up. As a teenager you think your whole world is falling apart. Love Hurts….

It’s not that strange you developed a relationship with your abuser. You may have shared your first kiss. Your first sexual experiences were with him/her.
No wonder you feel a connection. These things are bonding experiences.

The impact of the abuser

I realized that even though I hadn’t seen my abuser for over 10 years, he still had a great impact on my life. My thoughts, my actions were still his. He had forced his thoughts about almost everything into my mind for so long, I could still hear his voice.

Breaking up with the abuser

To completely heal from sexual abuse you will have to break up with your abuser.
Here are 3 tips that helped me:

1. My thoughts are mine!

It didn’t feel like that at all at first… He had brainwashed me all these years and now I had to make my thoughts mine again. It took great effort but slowly I regained power over my own thoughts. MINE. Aahh, that felt a lot better….

2. I am in charge!

If I don’t believe in the thoughts running through my mind, I won’t!
It took some time to reckognize what thoughts were a persistent memory of his opinions, but eventually I could figure out what MY opinions were and I could focus on banning his.

3. It’s okay to grieve!

It’s OK to be sad. When you break up it hurts. No matter how much you want to leave it all behind, you loose something as well, an illusion perhaps. So give yourself time to get over your break up.
I was insecure at first, but I soon realized it’s all part of life. It’s all part of growing up.
Of becoming ME.


For more information about the long term effects of child sexual abuse and how to heal from them, buy the book ‘I Thrive. Healing child sexual abuse’ at

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.