Table of contents

‘I thrive. Healing from child sexual abuse. Beyond Trauma’


Table of contents


Introduction by the author


Research shows that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys have been sexually abused as a child. About 50% of those people run into some serious psychological problems as adults.

Part 1: Effects of child sexual abuse and how they affect you

The first part of the book is primarily about the survivor of child sexual abuse. What are the struggles you’re faced with, how do you cope with them. In a mixture of personal experiences and my experiences as a coach, I relate how deeply sexual abuse can affect your life.

My personal story

My personal experiences with child sexual abuse.

The elephant in the room

About the loneliness you encounter when you run into silence, disbelief and lack of understanding.

The child’s defense mechanisms

How the child handles things that are too threatening.

Long term effects and how they affect you

How the very defense mechanisms that allow the child to survive, hinder the adult.

Reasons to heal from child sexual abuse

Why should you take on the daunting task of healing? What do you have to gain and what do you have to lose?

Ten years of therapy

Finding the right kind of help for you!

Through the darkness and into the light

How I learned to treat myself with mildness, acceptance and love.

Escape from hell

How the therapy, that helped me conquer my fears, worked.


There are different ways to define forgiveness. What do you need to let go of?


How do you know where to draw a line? How can you respect other peoples boundaries?

The relationship with the abuser

He was my first. Firsts are special. Do you need to break up with your abuser?

Psychiatric illness and their connection to child sexual abuse

About half of the victims develope psychological problems. How survivors are often misdiagnosed and given a psychiatric label.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Shell Shock with an nasty twist.

Automutilation / selfharm

What prompts people to hurt themselves? Is it survival or suicidal?


Part 2: Different types of therapy for  child sexual abuse

The second part of the book deals with different types of therapy. What type of therapy is the right choice when you’ve been sexually abused as a child? How do different types of therapy work? What do you need to know, in order to make an informed decision about your healing journey?

Power therapies

EFT and EMDR, what does it mean and what can it do for you?

Inner Child work

Inner Child work: a warm, gentle way of learning to forgive yourself.

Past Reality Integration

How triggers can help you in your healing.

Family constellations

Healing your (family) relations using ‘the field of possibility’.


Part 3: Social context

Healing from child sexual abuse doesn’t happen in a vacuum. We all have a life outside of therapy and a lot happens in that as well. What you need to know if someone you love was abused as a child. How the long term effects of child sexual abuse affect you!

Support in addition to therapy

The broader social context: partners, friends and neighbors and sometimes family can be a great source of strength.

Profile of the perpetrator

Most perpetrators are good with children. More than half are happily married. Dispelling the myth of the bogeyman.

Risk factors

Alcohol and drug abuse, traditional male/female roles, the sanctity of privacy: Just some of the things to look at, when most of the child sexual abuse happens at home.

On Blokehood!

Men who have been sexually abused. Good advise from one who’s been there.

Going to court?

Is going to court something to go for? Whatever choice you make, you’ll have to live with the consequences.

Forgiving the parents

How come the ‘other’ parent hasn’t protected you?


‘My partner has been sexually abused as a child. What should I do?’ Some advise.

No money, no job, no life

Building a life for yourself using the power of ‘Nothing to lose’


Preventing child sexual abuse has rightly been the focus of many organizations. This book chooses a different focus. Adult survivors of  child sexual abuse need to heal. My message is: Healing is possible.

  • You’re not alone.
  • The things you are experiencing are normal.
  • It’s normal to be traumatized by  child sexual abuse.
  • It’s normal that it still bothers you, even after many years.

And healing is possible. You too can Thrive!